This Murky Water
by isillome
Summary: Makoto and Sousuke never thought they would be having this conversation, nor find solace in each others arms. But the warmth is there and they can't help but fall into it blindly.


"Makoto, I'm not coming home."

Makoto stood in the fading sunlight his hand raised to Haru's door prepared to knock. His hand clenched tightly at the cell; shaking. He could all but breathe out a "What?"

On the other side of the call, sounds of a city and Haru sighing were almost deafening.

He didn't mean for this to happen, telling Haru about his plans to Tokyo was supposed to help Haru along, maybe make them closer then what they were, not force him away. _Away to another country._

Laughing so familiar to him echoed and Makoto tried to label the sound to a face. His head was swarming his thoughts scattered. The door in front of him swayed as he braced himself against the frame. Shielding his body against the cold wind blowing through.

Sighing Haru held back a laughing Rin who was too busy being a comedian to realize the serious situation he was in. "Shut up, Rin." He hissed at his sharp tooth friend, covering the mouth piece of the cell so his best friend couldn't hear. "Makoto," sighing again he tried to put his limited words in order of what he needed to say. "I won't be coming home. There are things here that I want to do. Swimming with Rin was a dream and here it can become reality."

Makoto's heart stopped and a drop of water hit his shoulder, the sky was crying, just as much as he was breaking on the inside. They were supposed to be together, they never left the others side. When he thought of them separating he thought of maybe a few miles, a city.

"Please…Haru, please come back. I'm so sorry, I promise I won't leave for Tokyo, I promise I'll let you do what you want with your future. I'll stop pressuring you so please come back." Makoto begged his voice cracking near the end. But it went unheard as the sound of a body hitting the floor and laugher ringing out. With a click the line went dead.

When he went looking for Haru he thought he would be at the pool and he would lean over call him Haru-chan and everything would be done. They had given each other 3 days since the fight to mull over things. But Makoto was lonely without his shadow. He wasn't there. He tried texting everyone who would know but all the answers were the same. "He's not at the pool? He wasn't in school either, I don't know where he is."

He texted Rin multiple times but the red head never texted back. The betrayal was there. Festering in his heart, it physically made him sick, dizzy with this feeling.

Makoto left the cold house, walking through the wet streets slowly and without a destination. The rain made his hair stick to his forehead and blur his vision but it mattered not. Even with his hair out of the way the path was shrouded.

Makoto wondered silently if anyone else knew Haru was in Australia. If he had told anyone else and if he did, does that mean everyone else lied to him? More anger filled his empty heart and his gut clenched. He had to be happy he thought through the tears. He had to smile for everyone and be okay. Haru was doing the thing he loved. Wasn't that was Makoto wanted in the end?

Maybe deep down in the corner of his heart it wasn't what he wanted at all. He was selfish and cruel, wanting to keep Haru all to himself.

Turning he almost wished to see Haru behind him holding out an umbrella for him with a scowl. He would say Haru-chan and everything would be okay again. But turning he saw nothing. Darkness, his footsteps fading in the water that Haru loved so much. And for a second Makoto cursed the water.

Continuing on his way he thought more and more and at the same time less. Holding out his phone he noticed 2 missed calls from Haru and a few texts from Nagisa and Rei. They both were worried over him after Haru texted them. Even a text from Rin came through, vibrating his hand.

 _This is for his own good._

Sorry? What? Makoto paused in his hollow steps staring at the screen. The rain made the words hard to read but it didn't matter.

Everything clicked into place. With a choked gasp he ran as fast as the muddy ground allowed him and found himself standing outside the school. He knew the number to the dorm so finding it was not a problem. Knocking was.

He stood in the Samezuka Academy dorm halls dripping onto the nice carpet and trailing mud with his footsteps. He was scared. No that wasn't even close to what he was feeling. Terrified would be a closer emotion. What if he didn't see what he wanted behind this door? It would be all over.

Raising a shaking hand he lightly rapped on the door and tried to fight off the feeling of running away like some ding dong prank. Every second he held his breathe and prayed. It didn't feel like forever like he always read in books it was more like it was too fast when the door started to open and he only wished it was slowed.

The door unlocked opening with an angry swing and Yamazaki Sousuke was standing there in his running clothes. There's a towel around his neck and his face is flushed. He probably just made it back before the rain come down. But his attention isn't solely focused on him as he tries to look past the slightly taller man.

"Tachibana?" His voice is a low baritone and bounces off the walls with much authority. Makoto would be intimidated if he was in his right mind but he wasn't, he was quite the opposite.

"Where's Rin?" Makoto asks in a too calm voice. He doesn't feel like this on the inside and he has to question if he was entering shock.

"Rin?" Yamazaki repeats like he is supposed to know and he has to literally tighten his fist to not grab this man's collar and bang him against the nearest object. This wasn't him, this wasn't the gentle Makoto that everyone knows. He hated violence and detested confrontation, but his anchor was gone, his shadow that grounded him to the earth was not _here._

Looking at Makoto Sousuke could see he was messed up, the drenched clothing and crazy look in his forest green eyes. "Rin...he went to Australia with Nanase. He got a letter in the mail with to tickets from Rin's foster parents. Nanase didn't tell you?"

The feeling from earlier the betrayal squirmed in Makotos gut and the tears came again, but he held them back. He couldn't cry in front of others, they would worry and Makoto didn't want that. This was his problem and his feelings and he was going to shoulder if however he can.

"Ah, I see. Nanase didn't tell me anything neither did Matsuoka in fact I was left completely in the dark on this!" His voice raised with every word as he tried to keep his feelings bottled. Panting heavily he got himself under control and leaned forward bowing to the other student. "I have to apologize for my behavior just now Yamazaki-san. I hope you'll forgive me."

The tears slowly leaked out now, the dam being broken by the knowledge of Haru leaving him; with Rin. His best friend was gone, he was stolen by another friend. Makoto never had any romantic feelings for the freestyle swimmer no matter what people said and spread. Think of soul mates but for friends. Forever tied together through a breakable bond. That is what he thought he had, he was too naïve obviously.

The tears fell and hit the already ruined carpet and Sousuke couldn't help but cringe at the site. Woman crying he did pretty okay with, full grown men not so much. He was the smiling happy captain of the Iwatobi swim club, always worrying about everyone else and settling any debates with an almost motherly attitude.

He opened the door wider and stepped to the side, the movement lifting Makoto's head to stare confusingly at the other. "You don't want others seeing you like that right?" He indicated with his head to enter and left the door open for Makoto to do as he wanted.

He straightened his back and questioned whether it would be a good idea to enter the small space. The tears were still flowing and at the sound of footsteps coming down the hall with laughter the answer came quickly as he threw himself into the room slamming the door and leaning his forehead against the door.

The laughter passed by not to long after that and he finally let out the breath he was holding. The mention of Rin, the sound of laughter, the thud and hissing. It all made sense now, he probably could've guessed that Rin was with Haru but he had just hoped that it was just some swim trip to see the Olympic pools there. They weren't coming back.

Moving his arm across his eyes to hide the redness he slide down the wall and tried to keep the sobs within. Why did he come here? It was just all more painful, embarrassingly so with Yamazaki there.

Speaking of who Makoto stiffened and hid his face deeper into his arms. He tried to peek from underneath but only saw feet clad in black shoes a few feet from him, pointed in his direction. The feeling of eyes burning through his head became apparent and Makoto tried to make himself as small as possible.

"I'm sorry" He whispered out meekly. This was pathetic, disgustingly so.

Another sigh, a sigh so similar to Haru he just couldn't help the flinch that went through the body. His muscles strung like a bow and he refused to let it relax. It was that sigh, the same sound that had emotion in it. It was like they were dealing with a child, someone they had to talk slowly too incase they were to start screaming their heads off. Fragile. Weak. Breakable.

Sousuke bent at the knees stretching an arm out in front of him for balance so not to fall over. His body level with Tachibana he hoped he would be calmer now that someone wasn't towering over him. Reaching his other hand out, he rested it on Makoto's shoulder gently. "This is probably for his own good."

The Bow snapped.

Makotos hand flew out from his face anger making his bright green eyes a mucky color that was cold and hot at the same time. Sousuke didn't have any support behind him and so he fell on his ass, air leaving his lungs in shock at the fury radiating off the gentle giant.

"Don't you _fucking_ dare!?" Makoto felt his emotions the feelings in his gut that was tightening and squeezing snap and snap again. He was sick of bottling this up he was always the good boy taking others feelings first before his own and he was done. "Don't you dare tell me what is better for him! You know nothing about him, nothing! I was there from the beginning always there by his side and him for me. We did everything together, we wouldn't even be in this stupid swimming club. Haru would have never met Rin. Me and him would have still been together planning for the future as a fire fighter or a chief! "

He took a break to catch his breath and leaned against the door again panting heavily. The tears came again but the anger was still there, the sadness was just numb within him. Sousuke sat there in silence taking it all in with widen eyes. It was almost how he felt with Rin, the anger that he hid so well from Rin that he held towards Haru. He felt the sadness that fell from Tachibana's eyes. He knew he wouldn't want pity and so he didn't give any. He just sat and stared not adding or quelling the fire burning the mentally unstable Makoto.

"Do you feel like you were left behind, Yamazaki?" Makoto asked hoarsely.

Sousuke felt himself tense under the question and knew that Makoto could see that he had hit the nail. He said nothing though and just continued to sit there staring off to the side. His hand unconsciously moved to grip his shoulder and Makoto's followed the movement and laughed without humor.

"Left behind? No that may not be the proper trim for you. You were thrown to the side. Bruised and broken were you not Yamazaki?" From someone on the outside they were in the same boat, a sinking ship. Makoto's face scrunched up, trying to hold the tears in and smiled a heartbroken smile. "How did you get by?" He asked, his voice cracking at the end.

Sousuke still clenching his shoulder almost laughed at that; almost.

Kept it together? He can't really remember, for the past couple days it's been constant running, swimming, physical therapy and school, so much things that filled his day there was no time to think on what happened, on how true Makoto's words ran true. It was moments before sleep where they came back to haunt him and he could clench his shoulder and bite his hand to keep from screaming out.

The wounds were still healing and burned every time he entered the pool like a nasty reminder.

When Sousuke didn't answer Makoto didn't know what to do, he didn't know if he was expecting an answer but one would've at least put him on a path towards something. He knew that Sousuke and he weren't so dependent on Rin or Haru but until both of them could function again normally he guessed he had no right to say that.

Coughing lightly he rubbed at his eyes once more, beyond mentally exhausted at this point. He just wanted to rest and forget this for a long while. Hopefully he was so tired he didn't even dream, that would be the worst. Standing on wobbly legs he used the door for support as he straightened and turned to leave. "I'll be taking my leave." Makoto whispered quietly shaking to turn the door knob.

But arms wrapping around his shoulders, holding him to a strong chest held him in place the door not even opened. Heat radiated from behind seeping into his back and he only wished to sink into it, to relish in the only warmth that has been offered to him today. "Y-Yamazaki?"

Makoto had thought it was his own shaking that rattled his bones but when he really stopped and felt the vibrations came from the slightly larger man hugging him from behind. "Don't go. Don't leave me with these thoughts. Please." The voice was meek and small and he couldn't help wanting to lend a hand to an equally hurting heart.

They were both damaged, nothing worse could rise from this, he wanted warm, he wanted someone to care, he wanted someone to hold him and tell him he did matter. He slowly turned, backing out on his instincts to just open the door and leave. Those were to the wind though when he started making his way to this dorm. He meet the squeezed eyes of Yamazaki Sousuke and wrapped his arms around is waist, the position a little uncomfortable as they slide down the door where Makoto was seconds ago.

Resting his head into Sousuke's shoulder he breathed In the warmth and smell that was him. Somehow it comforted him and the need to sleep hit him harder and sooner than he expected. His eyes closed hesitantly fighting to stay awake so he could go home. But in the end, darkness took him quickly and not once during the whole night did he dream.


End file.
